1. |
Hey It's Me
01:10
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2. |
Docs
03:48
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gOoD VibEs OnlYYyyyYYYyy
climate change is doing me good
summer showed up in advance
fuck learning to be lonely
plenty of bodies out there to be
my somebody who doesn't dance
I don't want to unpack my bruised knees
I'll think through it in therapy
I'm staring out windows wistfully
like god's giving me an audition
Can't go on being so obsessed
Can't go off at my folks again
Can't go home, my room is a mess
decisions decisions decisions
Barkeep is selling me life on the rocks
it's just me and the moon and a good pair of docs
wondering, wandering, wondering, wandering, wondering
when you're gonna be there
if you're gonna be there
tonight
What you up to
trying to kill my friday blues
I'm trying to fill my little shoes
what you up to
what you up to
Bus is picking up at every stop
Beer belly spilling out of my crop top
I feel like I'm on leave from my pen
I lost my fucking friends again
I finally made it and the music sucks
Last drink was one drink way too much
I feel like I'm on leave from my pen
and I'm never gonna see you again
(feet carry me smack to the middle of the bridge
I don't want to die but I don't want to live)
Barkeep is selling me life on the rocks
it's just me and the moon and a good pair of docs
wondering, wandering, wondering, wandering, wondering
when you're gonna be there
if you're gonna be there
tonight
What you up to
trying to kill my friday blues
I'm trying to fill my little shoes
what you up to
what you up to
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3. |
Bisexual Witchcraft
02:39
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I was craving a life raft
Bisexual Witchcraft
Bedknobs and a Broomstick
Candles with a long wick
Great nights with your best gays
Talking drag and anime
I don't wanna choose you
but I could really use you right now
stealing new years kisses
through a hole in your wall
nothing on the radio
why traffic is stalled
and feeling is the same as feelings to me
naked in your bed
under the skin of your thumb
trying to get the upper hand by saying
that all guys are dumb
and the sound of your footsteps behind me is so familiar
and this feeling I get is so familiar
and feelings is the same as feeling to me
I was craving a life raft
Bisexual Witchcraft
Bedknobs and a Broomstick
Candles with a long wick
Great nights with your best gays
Talking drag and anime
I don't wanna choose you
but I could really use you right now
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4. |
Bible Belt (interlude)
00:29
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5. |
Adoration
03:06
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O M fucking G
what the hell am I gonna do?
cause I've become a healthy level
of obsessed with you
Your voice seraphic choirs
singing beautiful and loud
and I feel a cry between my thighs
each time your tongue rolls out your mouth
begging for another crust of bread
doing it just like the good book said
You've got me in a knot
that I'm unwilling to untie
and my whole body rumbles
from the thunder in your eye
Set my wings on fire
cause there's not left but myself
and it's worth the disappointment
when I'm put back on your shelf
Chaining myself up to your tree
Ain't this what adoration's supposed to be?
I'm making choices that the future me can't defend
I'm planning my day around messages you send
I want it to thicken, I don't want it to end
but I do kinda want to explode
I adore you
Hallelujah
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6. |
Half Hour
02:56
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the weird angles and plush cushions of the couch
we know so many of the same friends
text from your roommate
he's been cool since you and your boyfriend opened up
and I tell myself I'm just shy of where that trust might end
the smell of baby wipes
sloppy kisses
glass of water
no shower
no time
half hour, tops.
half hour, in and out.
the inevitable skip inside my stomach
when someone introduces you to me
you know that I'm not interested in this pleasant social gathering
by the number of times I say I have to pee
we run out of words 50 minutes outside your house
I don't wanna be here long
for the second time
maybe
half hour, tops.
half hour, in and out.
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7. |
Shorteralls
03:26
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AV cable busted, lights running yellow and red
highway night ride to the backside of my head
hop online to find a guy cause I like to be lead
bent on getting out of shape but I'll get cute instead
baby's cool as ice, he's a regular lord of bones
and I breached that wall without spoiling game of thrones
last season got rotten real fast, summer went on too long
no houses where I can shit, but plenty of stones
bite sized
that bit of banter was well improvised
I cut too quickly we should cauterize
don't take me serious in my shorteralls
manbaby realness in my shorteralls
can't get my feelings in my shorteralls
the next line's we're never gonna die
Jackie's got a new stick but his footwork ain't subtle
and Texas got my pics, he wants to come over for cuddles
wanna just dance, prove that you're alive
gotta show the gaggles you got drive.
sung too many love songs, now I need a new belt
cause I'm himtroverted, no strength gained by myself.
queen up in his castle can afford to spread the wealth.
feel sickening sometimes, it's good for your health.
bite sized
that bit of banter was well improvised
I cut too quickly we should cauterize
don't take me serious in my shorteralls
manbaby realness in my shorteralls
can't get my feelings in my shorteralls
who says we're ever gonna die?
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8. |
SD
02:43
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I got a suitcase full of dark clouds
and some dirty clothes
some spare income if I need it
and a charger I suppose.
I didn't really see you last time I was here,
now I'm back a lost and lonely queer
and you've got the time to make me disappear
and I need you to.
I really need you to.
Show me around Seattle, Daddy.
I've got some tears to shed.
We might kiss under a bridge but
it doesn't mean I wanna end up in bed
with you.
I've loaded off my old feelings,
punched a hole in my shell.
That doesn't stop the sense of drowning
cause being social is hell
but I'm gonna make an effort to make memories
with someone I don't think is a casualty.
But get me out quick when I say please,
cause I'll need you to.
I'll really need you to.
Show me around Seattle, Daddy.
I've got new friends to find.
We might kiss under a bridge
but it doesn't mean that love is on my mind.
But I don't know how to drive.
Can barely keep myself alive
But i can show you my okay side,
you can show me when you're sad.
and we can laugh at all our servers
who assume you're my dad.
Show me around Seattle, Daddy.
I have such fun with you.
We might kiss under a bridge
but it doesn't change the way that I feel about you,
the complicated way that I feel about you,
the wonderful way I feel about you tonight.
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9. |
Hickey
04:03
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My breath stinks of garlic
I'm doing genuflections,
making smooth but sure deflections
of your eyes.
I'm fresh out of party tricks.
Guess I can get you off
and creep out of your crooked coffin
back to mine.
But when I asked
how you felt about
the temperature we made in the room,
you just shut up the window. It's nothing but
the sun at noon.
But something feels right.
I made assumptions big time.
There's such a thing as not like the other guys,
and we've got hours before sunrise.
My neck feels a pinch.
I feel my chest get tighter
as your fingers stretch me wider
like a drum.
but we're good in a cinch.
turns out that I'm the asshole
thinking feelings were a hassle
if you come
but when you ask
how I felt about
taking it one night at at time,
I slipped your cock out from between my tonsils,
smiled, and said that's fine.
Cause something feels right.
I made assumptions big time.
There's such a thing as not like the other guys,
and we've got hours before sunrise.
Cause you just straight up, left me dead
with all the cursing demons running in my head
I could of had you but I got me instead.
I'm a f*gg*t you don't wanna fuck with.
Cause something feels right.
I made assumptions big time.
There's such a thing as not like the other guys,
and we've got hours before sunrise.
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10. |
||||
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First things first, I don't know what we're gonna talk about.
I try to keep my brain in place, but it keeps rolling out.
Have to have space and my morning brew
guess every day I am more like you.
I'm always pretending I know how I got this far.
Get out of bed, leave the house, slowly learn to play guitar.
But it's throwing ice cubes in hot boiling water.
It cools for a breath and ends up even hotter.
But I won't give reasons why
didn't reach out last weekend
don't wanna seem like a dead end
I don't swear on a bible, I swear on things you've said.
Keep the peace, keep it down, share your load, share your bread.
But these things I'm doing use your name in vain.
It's hard feeling healthy when it sounds more like shame.
It's not that I'm ungrateful, it's just my face you see.
Sorry I'm short for cash, could you pay for my therapy.
Been up and down on a road I don't know
and the wheels you've provided seem ready to blow.
but I won't give reasons why
I won't take your prayer
and I don't wanna share
and I wanna say that I tried
but it's bigger than me
it's bigger than you
it's bigger than anything I ever knew
say something say something I'm giving up on you
I hate that song but it's ringing true ringing true
say something say something I know there's words in you
I know you're fully stocked with ammunition
but I don't need reasons why
I know you're there
and I don't need a reply
just want you to know that you're loved
and you're alive.
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11. |
Mattress
05:00
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there's him
there's a mattress
there's his dick stuck out in the middle of the air
like a swollen middle finger.
I'm new
and I don't like this
but I'll be quiet in my corner till he's finished.
and he'll say
"he wanted to know what it was like if you don't leave
he wanted to know what it was like if you don't breathe
he wanted to know what it was like to have a soul
he wanted to know what it was like to eat a hole
he wanted to know what to know because who wouldn't wanna know?
and I'm pretty sure he said yes
and I'd have stopped if he said no.
And now he's damaged but good."
there's you
there's your bedroom
there's the ocean's length of silence when you ask what I'm not saying
this is new
and I like this
and it's more than I imagined I could have in these small moments
when you said
you wanted to know if I liked whispers in the dark
you wanted to know if I like picnics in the park
you wanted to know if I liked holding in my breath
you wanted to know if I liked drumming in my chest
you wanted to know if I liked having something to prove
you wanted to know if I liked not being free to move
you wanted to know so we could both be at our best
and I said no when I meant no
and I said yes when I meant yes
and now I'm damaged but good
weathered but fine
I let you keep me in line
you've misunderstood
I'm damaged but good.
there's you
and I'm there too.
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12. |
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13. |
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I pity them I want them
I pity them I want them
and they deserve to be touched
do I deserve to be touched?
what am I doing here?
looking for light in a dark room
this is my home, this is a foreign land
this is my home, this is a foreign land
and they deserve to be touched
do I deserve to be touched?
what am I doing here?
looking for light in a dark room
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14. |
Dude
01:34
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Don't call me "dude".
It scrapes like gravel.
I'm not your buddy you sneak peeks at in the locker room.
I can't hate myself like that anymore.
I've been here before,
the mouldy shower curtain stinks like summer
and this damp towel won't cut it.
Cigarette ash conquers your bedroom floor.
You say it's just friendly,
you say you can't stand the idea
of being viewed as some fragile flower.
Well who's garden have you just been plucking?
Who's thumb have you been sucking to soothe the sore?
And I came in here as myself
and I'm walking out as myself.
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15. |
Jockstrap
03:11
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Every day this week you've sent me a snap
as I'm playing my guitar in my jockstrap.
I don't wear it to get you up, I wear it to keep me from falling down.
I tell myself, when it itches or clings,
try to find the big joy in the little things.
But when you put my pleasure on a stage
it just turns me into a clown.
I don't have the face for radio
I don't have the space for a cameo
I don't have the patience to be kinder
but since you're here, I'll give you a reminder.
I don't have to do what I don't wanna do.
and that includes you.
I know every note of this song is vain,
I was born without a reason to complain.
But everyone's allowed to pick what sticks
and this one's stuck in my lungs.
I like to think everyone's truly good,
I like to listen to the songs from my childhood,
but even with your right hand on the book
I can see that the jury's hung.
I get to ask, you get to say no.
You say make a wish, I don't have to blow.
You don't get a medal for giving a looksee.
I don't have to share my goddamn cookies.
I don't have to do what I don't wanna do.
and that includes you.
Every day this week you've sent me a snap
as I'm playing my guitar in my jockstrap.
I don't wear it to get you up, I wear it to keep me from falling down.
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16. |
In Shoes
04:06
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You, you get me going.
You come in like a conquest, take what you're wanting.
All cause I let you
cause I want you to.
We, we should unpack this.
Put the breaks on fast, ask the right questions.
But we, we should get going
before I start breathing.
Hungry for some good news,
baby we can do it right here, in shoes.
I don't wanna wait.
Sick and tired of being a recluse
baby we can do it right here, in shoes.
I don't wanna wait.
Sure you can take pictures
throw me every angle, that isn't really me anyways
but those are your fingers
painted and glittered
give me something beautiful to hold onto.
Sick and tired of being a recluse
baby we can do it right here, in shoes.
I don't wanna wait.
Hungry for some good news,
baby we can do it right here, in shoes.
I don't wanna wait.
Through the haze I can see
the dance floor versions of you and me
and I can't stand being tied up
but I love being tied down.
One of these days, one of these nights,
when the air's low and the stars are right,
I'll give up all the shame I drown in with the morning light.
Show me all your power.
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17. |
Adieu
02:06
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If I have to spend one more minute with you
complaining how no one here's good enough,
I'm walking right out this bar and leaving you the bill
and the four years of whining.
Your loneliness is projecting like a bad movie onto a stained screen
and that makes you mad
cause you can't see the picture quite clearly enough.
But if you're gonna spend the next two hours
reminding me how I'm garbage
well you can save it.
I already know.
There's sediment grinding the bottom of my belly
each time that you cry out
"none of these boys will do. I need a man."
Like you know what that means.
The patterns of how we've been acting, what we've been saying
are smothering me.
and I can't just unsee them
as easier as it was.
You don't hold onto a rotten finger
just cause your wedding ring's on it.
So auf Wiedersehen.
Adieu.
I'll see you, with these other gays, in hell.
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SubTop Vancouver, British Columbia
Vancouver based queer-core singer-songwriter. happy new year
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