1. |
I'm Not Going Back
03:13
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I'm dressed in black just like you
and a change in my wardrobe won't do
what I want it to
I carry my heart in a pail
and the sting of a shallow cut fingernail
lasts the whole day through
You've a write to feel angry, a right to feel sad,
You've a right to be scared, a right to be glad,
but put down your hand if all you can offer is shame
that won't work out in this game.
I'm sitting watch people walk to and fro
leaving ashes in their shadows, nowhere to go
like there's nothing to do
We'll have to watch our steps but we're walking,
We can't look into our eyes but we're talking,
like that's something new.
You've a write to feel angry, a right to feel sad,
You've a right to be scared, a right to be glad,
but put down your hand if trying ain't worth your time
you can step back in line.
And there's no simple explanation
no dragon to chase.
But there are still heroes who spit chaos in the face
When spring cracks open the wounded earth
you can wonder if what they said you were worth
is really true
there's a wild fire blowing over this town
and you don't get to laugh as it's burning down
unless you're burning too.
You've a write to feel angry, a right to feel sad,
You've a right to be scared, a right to be glad,
but put down your hand if you just wanna get back on track
no thanks, I'm not going back.
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2. |
Mr. B
03:33
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How about that drink Mr. B?
It's been a dryer winter than most and I'm cracking like the ice.
Little too much rum in my tea.
My belly barely tolerates it, but I always seek the spice.
You can love me like a mother,
make me feel like a man.
Of all my bedded brothers only you can love me
for who I am.
It was in the golden years of spring,
I was working the admission at the old amusement park.
We hadn't spoken since school
and time had traced its finger leaving hard but handsome marks.
You had plenty for a ticket
but I let you in for free.
I called it an investment,
that sugar of what's possible
always had a way with me.
Found you by the ferris wheel.
I was due back at home but I couldn't leave your side.
You talked about your loneliness,
I talked about my grief.
It's funny leaving darlings at an
almost strangers feet.
You were bound for California,
but you'll be back Christmas Eve.
And your kisses were sweet and deep.
So sweet and deep.
So how about that drink Mr. B?
There's lights in every window and there's children singing songs
to the holy trinity.
You don't have to bring a gift or leave your partner alone too long.
She's got a good thing going
with her more than fair demands.
I know she is forgiving
and she knows I understand.
You can hold me closely
but only with one hand.
But these days I need someone
to love me for who I am.
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3. |
Mac N Cheese
03:48
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I should be cooking but instead i'm making instant mac and cheese
Woke up late after getting fired last night, I guess the sleep in was alright
I'm seeing Alice later, I need my strength cause she's gonna needs some too
Her brother ran away again and she asked someone to help her make the next move.
I should be making my bed but instead I'm pretending that the sheets are you
outside it's sunny but in here it's grey, well it's colder anyway
The dust upon my window sill is gaining sentience, testing out its limbs,
and telling me I should reach out, not just give into my whims
but there's nothing to do today
breezes blowing the hours away
so i'll just think about staying okay
I think about that a lot these day
I should be moving but instead I'm making faces at myself
Make Pollock Paintings with tooth paste, try to smile at my waist
I guess that I should put on clothes but who have I got clothes to put on for
Alice cancelled, no shame there, I've done the same and we're past keeping score
so there's nothing to do today
breezes blowing the hours away
so I'll just think about staying okay
I think about that a lot these days
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4. |
Bouncing Off the Walls
01:32
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My belly my belly my belly's getting bigger
My head is my head is my head is getting hotter
it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing but a feeling
And nothing needs to work right now
my sleeping my sleeping my sleeping's getting shorter
my dreaming my dreaming my dreaming's getting weirder
it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing but a feeling
and nothing needs to work right now
but I don't believe that
or at least it's harder this time around
recovery stalled
stuck here bouncing off the walls
The hours, the minutes, the seconds aren't moving
The places, the people, the faces aren't changing
their nothing their nothing there's nothing there nothing
but I could use some help right now
it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing but a feeling
it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing but a feeling
it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing but a feeling
and I don't feel nothing right now
but i don't believe that
or at least it's harder this time around
recovery stalled
stuck here bouncing off the walls
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5. |
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On night's like these i wanna write,
but the pencil tip won't budge and inch.
the funny thing's I typed this out,
Shock me and I'll probably flinch
the house stinks of fish sauce
I've been learning to cook Vietnamese
between hour long sessions of twidling thumbs
and making soft and somber pleas
oh Please please please
my heart could use a little squeeze
something I've been thinking about
when you put down your second drink
your face was glitching on my screen,
when you said look, i had to blink.
We should bring the band back agian
I've lately thought of some new songs,
they're a little weirder than before,
have half the chords, but twice as long.
Oh Please please please
my heart could use a little squeeze
You say just stay away from me
and of course I can't keep away
though I'll say I won't be looking out
I wanna see a car crash someday
something i've been thinking about
when I've put down my final drink,
your face so far behind a screen,
I guess these days I only think.
Oh please please please
my heart could use a little squeeze
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6. |
I Wanna Sing With You
03:14
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I wanna sing with you
but I don't know what to sing about
I wanna sing with you
there's some sounds that I just need to get out
I tried staying quiet, gave talking a shot,
So here's the last thing I've got
I wanna sing with you
cause singing gets me through.
I wanna sing with you
cause it's beautiful when we make art
I wanna sing with you
cause it's like you're looking with my heart
I don't care if we're off key or the words aren't right
if we're in the corner or the spotlight
I wanna sing with you
cause singing gets me through.
I wanna sing with you
especially when we're not allowed
I wanna sing with you
until the cops tell us we're too loud
We're told what we own so that we belong
but nobody owns a song
I wanna sing with you
cause singing gets me through.
I wanna sing with you
till we can't sing anymore
I wanna sing with you
My noise sounds so much better with yours
We don't know when our voices might be taken away
so well before that day
I wanna sing with you
cause singing gets me through.
Cause you get me through.
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7. |
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There's something about the twirling of your fingers.
I can't seem to see anything else.
The street is all ours, the swing set is whispering
for us to see how mine fit between them.
The leaves are all brown, the night sky is orange,
you're tired and I am too.
I count longer miles between our thunders
and part of me needs those echoes to trust you.
It's funny how we spend the day
asking a question to strangers.
It's funny how we walk into
so many rooms, so many dangers.
But for now, just for now,
it's you and me and the playground.
It isn't what I'd call perfect inside,
my room is decrepit and bare.
But in spills some magic once in a while,
and It's guaranteed when you are there.
It's funny how we forget
that we're in charge and we're still here.
It's funny how we just met
and all I want is just to be here
but for now, just for now,
it's you and me and the playground.
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SubTop Vancouver, British Columbia
Vancouver based queer-core singer-songwriter. happy new year
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