1. |
Wash
03:14
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I wash him off like bed sheets
I wash him off like dreams
I wash him off like Superman
I wash him off of me
I balm my face with bee's wax
I spread clay through my hair
I oil my chest with rose and olive
boo, now that you're not there
I wash him off like wine stains
I wash him off like weeds
I wash him off like Superman
I wash him off of me
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2. |
Knife Block
02:54
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So I'm alone in a movie theatre
spilling my textual guts out
cause I saw him for the first time since
well you know.
Glad he's got a new mattress,
a new job, and a new knife block,
but I only get an hour
cause he's got to go
There's a party,
you're not invited.
There's a party,
if it was your idea you shouldn't feel slighted.
Friends are out, it's Saturday,
I don't have any plans,
I don't know how to make plans.
What would I even wear?
We're well past the point of being
each other's emotional charges
but everything gives me stomach aches
like I should care.
Get your guns out,
let's see who's sharper.
Get your guns out,
at least try harder.
Look we're having a ball
my horse is so gosh darn tall
Daddy wow
I'm a big kid now
The best part about being here
is I can't even get angry
I just get to be sad for a while
and then forget (but don't forget)
There's a party,
bring your smile.
There's a party,
take off your coat and stay for a while
Look we're having a ball
my horse is so fucking tall
Daddy wow
I'm a big kid now
Glad he's got a mattress,
a new job, and a new knife block.
"Gotta go can you get this?"
Oh yeah for sure that's fine with me.
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3. |
Messy
02:52
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and I don't get to be messy.
Just not my style.
Stops going anywhere after a while.
And it's fine.
Look at me go.
And I don't get to go out.
Don't have the stamina to process.
Rethink every context.
But it's fine.
Look at me go.
Look at me go nowhere.
I'm tired of playing that game.
I wanna scream your name.
I wanna be unequivocally clear
that I'm seeing your palm prints on
everything.
And I want my say.
Tell them I don't wanna play.
I'm tired of making it so much safer
for you to be here,
Cause I don't feel safe here.
And I don't get to feel angry,
not with my pride.
Have to see every other side.
And it's fine.
Look at me standing tall.
And I don't get to feel anything.
I don't get to want to hurt you.
Drag you through the streets and subvert you.
Cause i'm fine.
Look at me, look at me,
being fine.
I'm tired of playing that game.
I wanna scream your name.
I wanna be unequivocally clear that
I'm seeing your palm prints on
everything.
And I want my say.
Tell them I don't wanna play.
I'm tired of making it so much safer
for you to be here,
cause I don't feel safe here.
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4. |
Loyalty
03:26
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Draw my sword down the middle of the sandbox
look you dead in the eyes.
Any of you suckers want your birthday presents,
get on this side of the line.
I don't need friends asking how this week's going,
exhausted by dry pleasantries.
I don't need somebody offering prayers I need
loyalty.
I need the biggest militia when battle ensues.
Who do you belong to?
Get high on civilized social commitments,
but that feeling's starting to creep.
You're not inclined to look in your side mirrors
but it's starting to stink where you sleep.
Somebody push my pathetic pawn over,
this games not made for my breed.
Oh god I said something, don't run away, I need
loyalty.
I need a headcount for who's here at the end of the day.
Don't run away.
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5. |
Bad Dogs
02:46
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I saw an old lady, you saw a girl.
I picked the diamonds, you picked the pearl.
I gave an arm, you gave a twirl.
Because bad dogs don't get to go on rides.
Bad dogs don't get taken to the park.
Bad dogs don't get nothing from me.
You played the field, I played the game.
You took the glory, I took the blame.
You'll be the better, I'll never be the same.
Because bad dogs don't get to go on rides.
Bad dogs don't get taken to the park.
Bad dogs don't get nothing from me.
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6. |
Custard Wall Castle
02:50
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Thank you kindly for tuning in
to this late night edition of "Who Bought the Groceries".
Before our last commercial break
our guest star was heading the aches from his brovaries.
I think the reason we don't get along
is you're constantly worried about being wrong.
Don't let my obvious social authority
amplify signals to your inferiority.
Rumour is running, the ribbon's in place
for the unwanted sequels to the human race.
I hear they finally finished that custard wall castle
for big mouths for you,
so you'd have to eat through your truths.
As the ring master makes his rounds,
through the he-said and she-said of "civil behaviours"
Doubtful Donnie will get his cut,
since the usual soothers aren't doing me favours.
I think the reason that you're on the fence
is that most of your argument doesn't make sense.
Have you had your cookie today?
I bet that'd make this whole thing go away.
Rumour is running, the ribbon's in place
for the unwanted sequels to the human race.
I hear they finally finished that custard wall castle
for big mouths for you,
so you'd have to eat through your truths.
Tell Canaveral to lock Challenger's doors,
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
Rumour is running, the ribbon's in place
for the unwanted sequels to the human race.
I hear they finally finished that custard wall castle
for big mouths for you,
so I might as well stay in it too.
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7. |
leo
06:20
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Your teeth are a rare invention
they sit so proudly in every gallery
every corner I turn I'm in your jaws
You put everything into your performance
Every hoop and trick pushing me under
and you're crushed when I can't move my hands to join
in the applause.
You say it's my job to wrangle you
that I'm so good for being so predictable
nothing has surprised you yet.
And I won't dare touch a whip
for fear of my own violence
but believe me, you haven't seen how deadly
my arm can get (but you will)
This is not a speedbump
this is not a monologue to get cast
in your production
Sure I can sit beside the king
eat his share at the table
but I can't help seeing how we're dead set
on corruption.
I don't want you to be mad
I don't want you to be mad
I don't want you to be mad at me
Well guess what pal,
you can't throw salt in my eyes
then say I can't see the forest
for the fucking trees.
From the day we first started, it's falling apart.
So run back to your kingdom
tell your friends the version that paints you
as a martyr. Get slack.
And when I come crawling round
clutching the gaping hole in my neck
you're gonna feel a pinch
when I bite back.
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8. |
||||
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Sunday morning, in the pew and light,
silenced by the words you said last night
and that I only got three hours sleep.
The anthem that morning was "Let Us Pause",
a veggie doggie treat for the good Lord's cause,
and I let out a giggle, in spite of myself.
That afternoon on my advice,
we bet our week's on different dice,
and I put your picture away from my shelf.
You drop me off at James' place,
and I didn't clock when you kissed my face
that it'd be the last one I could reap.
Wednesday morning, I'm sad as hell.
Life is lonely steeple bells off screen.
Simon, Peter, and Cefuroxime.
Content warning to all my friends;
when this purgatory ends, who knows
where our conversations will go.
Sunday morning and my coffee's cold,
teenagers complaining about being old,
my luggage doesn't fit well on the bus.
Our living room is bathed in clear sky glow,
the first time that it hasn't rained since the snow
and you spent the week making bad decisions.
At Nathan and Erika's brand new pad,
the length of their couch isn't too bad
though I barely sleep from fever and future visions.
And Mary only had to wait three sad days,
and only just to hear him say "Go away."
And I know it's unhealthy seeing those stories in us.
Friday morning and off I go,
walking down the high road with all my clothes and shame
that I guess I lost the game.
Content warning of talks ahead;
furniture to split like broken bread and then
knowing I'll never hear you say my name the same way again.
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9. |
Heater
04:15
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The low hum of my heater,
the silent crash of fingers on your cellphone screen.
We're set up for success,
usual YouTube party.
We can get anything that's free.
It's almost hilarious, it's almost pathetic
how much I love you.
How much I need you to love me.
You got it for me for our first Christmas,
knew how it'd comfort me,
and I knew I'd keep you around.
I usually run like a furnace,
too hot to handle,
still I love the warmth and sound.
So I am easy, and I am contented,
in the corner on the ground.
It's now 3:30, the world's my oyster,
and you've got work at 6AM.
Slither out the bedsheets, your steady snoring
covers the wild wave pool within.
And we can tag team, against the same enemies,
but we're never side by side
in any sense.
Birthday cake for breakfast,
it feels empowering,
like I make decisions well.
There's trash under the couch,
smothered in the cushions,
but if you look straight ahead you can't tell.
And I need confidence, and I want catharsis,
so on the heater goes again.
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10. |
Five Months
02:43
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I rolled his cock out flat with a rolling pin
to a size that my oven could fit
made him a better man with my powers
reminded him it was me who did it.
When this moment show's up
the rule is almost too crystal clear.
I guess I can blow up, glow up, and get over it.
Five months for five years.
I tried every type of special appointment
to try to talk or to try to bleed.
I tried to love myself,
or at least convince myself that that's what I need.
I tried thinking that if we talked
you'd have that special thing to say.
But three concerts, two dinner parties,
five months, and it's the same.
This has got to be it now,
who knew that we could feel this long?
I can't keep going back to the school yard,
I can't write another fucking song.
You didn't have the time
and I didn't face my fears.
But I'll remember this forever.
Five months for five years.
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11. |
Silver
03:46
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Oh no, here comes the impulse.
Gotta text you about the Sons of Kemet.
Make the concession that I still use you
as a basis for all my tastebuds.
I gotta find my own music now.
Gotta live my life like it's silver.
Gotta remind myself that life is my vengeance.
life is my victory
life is my vengeance
Dyed my hair,
Instagram likes breaking the hundreds every shot
A good man tells me that I'm healthy
a great man tells me when I'm not
and I haven't stopped singing
haven't stopped writing
haven't stopped creating your profile
cause it's what tells me how well I'm doing.
and I guess I'm happy on my own
I guess I'm happy sleeping alone
I guess I'm happy getting the couch
I guess I'm happy times I go out
I gotta find my own music now.
Gotta live my life like it's silver.
Gotta remind myself that life is my vengeance.
life is my victory
life is my vengeance
life is my victory.
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SubTop Vancouver, British Columbia
Vancouver based queer-core singer-songwriter. happy new year
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